Toby's Yearbook Entry, A Critical Analysis

By Dunk and Jonny

"Must work faster, time is money. Toby's hard work will pay off, despite everyone’s efforts to hinder him. Toby is a definite contender for the keen award, but that is currently going to Vimal. Everyone would like to thank Toby for letting us use his house as a second common room and the Mario Kart Championships will be much missed. "

Tony & Jonny '04

A Brief History

Toby's year book comment began life as a small scrap of paper, an after thought in the minds of all. Then on one insignificant day in April Toby popped the question.

Toby "Would you be kind enough to spare a moment of your time to help a dearest friend with his yearbook conundrums?"

Tony "Yes yes go away"

With the clear lack of effort involved on Tony's part the first version was drawn up.

"Must work faster, time is money. Toby's hard work will pay off despite everyone’s efforts to hinder him."

Little was discussed after said event and the comment was committed to paper. Fortunately for Toby and everyone else this tragic event didn’t go unnoticed. On a cold and windy day later that month the subject matter was drawn to the attention of a Mr Jonathan Sykes of Knaresborough, North Yorkshire, in an ICT lesson. Said previous comment was deemed to be of unsatisfactory standard. Something had to be done!

So Mr Sykes with minor input from others, whipped out his thinking cap and set about rectifying the monstrosity which had been set before him. After minutes of antagonising wait the comment we now know and love was born.

Analysis

'Introduction is slightly lacking in invigorating content and grammatical correctness. Frankly it leaves much to be desired.'

This analysis from Jonny, said like a true pro is not far from true. Fortunately what it lacks in enthusiasm it makes up for in factual correctness.

'A clear change in style can be seen through out the middle sections. The comment becomes uplifted and it now has an edge to it. This key point in the comment was executed with a finesse not seen before from this promising youngster.'

To be frank Mr Sykes is a genius. Obviously Mr Walgate is a respected man in the community, but this clearly wasn’t his best work. Thank god for ginners.

'The observation regarding the use of his house was a tactful thanks on behalf of the group'

Indeed I think thanks are in order, and here seems as good a place as any to do so.

Jonny then came out strong with the closing line, keeping to the purpose of the comment and allows for future reminiscing.

Reviews

"Top Class" - The Observer

"Finally a collaboration to be proud of..." - The Independent

"Just Marvellous" - Louise Roskell

"Gerrrrr" - Antony Walgate

"An orgy of grammar, punctuation and spelling mistakes" - The Grammar Nazi, (Literacy Weekly)