Two months later at a special Apple event...

Halfway through Steve's presentation:

"...and that's iTranslate. The new universal translator from Apple coming this holiday season.

Next, now this is something really special, I am pleased to announce the next generation of programming languages. Something we like to call "RealCode".

Now remember two months ago when I said at the iPhone press conference that we couldn't fix the iPhone 4 antenna issue with software? Well it turns out we can, with RealCode.

Let me show you.

We have created this little app called 'AntennaFix.app'. You run it directly on the device. Like so. *the app opens and closes and deletes itself*.

Now, I'm sure you are wondering what just happened. Well let me tell you. With RealCode you can create anything for the real world, with code. Hence ReadCode. This little app just created a micro-polymer layer over the phone. *Steve smiles and soaks up the applause*. You can now even drop it in a tank of water and it will be fine.

Let's look at some other uses. You can write a RealCode app to make the dinner: *Steve creates a turkey on stage to much surprise*; what about a jet pack: *jet pack appears*; and even a cat with Smarties tubes on it's legs: *boom, a cat with smarties tubes on it's legs appears and proceeds to walk around the stage*. Isn't that just wonderful. Now what about getting rid of all this? Just hit delete. *everything vanishes* It's that simple.

Release date? Today! *much applause*
For only $99 per licence. *even more applause*
It will run on all Mac platforms and the code can run on any Apple device. We are working on bringing it to other platforms.

Now we gave it to some really great developers two weeks ago and they have already created some really great apps. Let's take a look..."

Only three days later, the world would fall into chaos leaving only a handful of people to defend themselves against the zombie hordes created with RealCode. A former Apple developer, who requested to remain anonymous, would tell us he informed the Apple management of the potential for zombie hordes early into development. Our request for comment from Apple would then be ignored and the head of Steve Jobs in a jar would inform us they had no such warning, but did offer free shelters to all developers with a RealCode licence.

My guesses about the iPhone 4 issues

I feel like the signal problem was identified in the US, where from what I understand, AT&T have a pretty poor network and that the signal drop from holding the phone wrong was then reported. Since then, everyone has tried the "death grip" with varying degrees of "success" in reproducing the issue. Sometimes it's seen everywhere, sometimes only in a few places with low signals, sometimes not at all, and sometimes a better signal is gained. It also seems that people are seeing the signal drop a little but not enough to drop a call. This of course could well be faulty hardware or a design flaw, but you would think (and hope) that this would have been tested pretty extensively, especially as the issue was apparently brought to the attention of Apple management early on. All these stories are making people now actively looking for a signal drop and so it is obviously getting reported more and more, even if it's only loosing a bar or two and seems to be getting blown out of proportion.

At the weekend I was in Bristol still with my 3GS, the signal in the hotel room was pretty bad, holding the phone in my hand (like the picture in the engadget post above) I had a very poor signal and no 3G, not even Edge. Having shifted the phones position in my hand to just the finger tips by chance, I gained a bit of signal and 3G, thus in my accidental test got the death grip issue with my 3GS. Having now got my iPhone 4, I briefly tried the death grip but nothing happened, but O2's signal in Edinburgh has been really good everywhere which leads me to believe that the signal strength is the major factor in the problem.

Those are just my wild guesses and who knows what's really going on. I don't know anything.

Let's see what Mr Jobs has to say later on.

A short iPhone 4 rant

Now, there may or may not be some signal issues with the iPhone 4 and FaceTime might actually refer to your face having a good time hanging up calls, but it seems to be that I now have a device that lets me call anyone; video call others; search for nearly any piece of information near instantly; read up to the second news in print quality text; take a photo and send it to someone on the other side of the world; post a message for the world to read; even play a high quality 3D game and watch a HD movie; I can edit a movie shot on the phone in high definition; I could even watch a cat jumping into a box if the desire took me. I can do all this (and more everyday) with a wireless multitouch screen device less than 1cm thin and if I occasionally loose signal strength when the signal is low anyway then so be it.

We are living in the future.

The Football Cup 2010

Here is an excerpt from the final chapter of "The Football Cup 2010. A look back from 2042" by Sir Wayne Rooney, who as we all know underwent the first brain enhancement in 2027 increasing his overall intelligence by 50%, thus allowing him to to obtain his Class 3 History degree in 2030.

"...and at 90 minutes the football had been won! The victors had won a big gold chalice of football pride; the losers, an even bigger cup filled with pure shame. The burden of the second place cup of shame weighed them down, and their country, for years to come. The crushing defeat wounded them so deeply they started rolling around on the floor clutching various body parts except their chests, where the pain in their hearts, must surely have be the strongest of them all.

The victors celebrated by running around the field and performing ever increasingly complex feats of acrobatics. After seeing the losers writhing around on the floor, they immediately appealed to the ref, who awarded a penalty for every team member on the floor and booked the whole of the losing team, filling them with yet more shame and dishonour, whilst the victors gained yet more goals and pride. Of course this did not go over well with the losers' manager, who upon seeing the red cards immediately started shouting and balling. Many fans had the same reaction, but most were too full of shame and remained silent.

As both teams started to leave the pitch; the losers limping and the victors prancing; the marching vuvuzela band were playing, which some say was formed in the fires of hell out of the worst musicians in history; their tuneless dirge echoing around the stadium. Unfortunately this cannot be confirmed as many of the records were destroyed by the various puppet masters controlling the football leaders.

In the following days, weeks and months there were many inquiries, inquests and injunctions around the outcome of this football match; which has now cost the world football consortium of football, but mostly various tax payers around the world, billions of dollars. There are still some legal battles going on to this day.

This match will go down in History as the flashpoint that started the downward spiral of the game of football. Eventually causing it to be banned in most parts of the world, thus driving this once great game underground to illegal 'football dens'. These dens were the beginnings of the football wars that..."

Gripping stuff I think you'll agree.

A dream where I had my hand cut off, but don't worry I reattached it.

I had a dream last night where my brother cut my hand off halfway up my arm. I didn't notice until I woke up in the morning with no hand and there was very little blood. I wasn't that annoyed for some reason. I went all day doing normal things with no left hand.

The next day I found my hand in the fridge and put it back on. I used some tape to secure it. It seemed to work again straight away but was a bit loose. If you are wondering about the bone, worry not, because I used a plastic ruler as a splint with some duct tape (I was worried the bone wouldn't heal correctly otherwise). In the evening I told my mum, it had mostly healed by then and there was a small scar around my arm. I did think I better not open the fridge with it as it might just come off again. I thought I better go to the hospital to get it checked though. We just laughed a little about it.

When I actually woke up I checked that my hand was OK and that there was no scar. It was a great relief to find my hand and arm were fine.